So after receiving an email from one of my BEST friends back home asking how I was doing, I realized that I don't write much about how I'm doing or feeling, I write more on what I am doing.
So here goes my best attempt on sharing my feelings on how I am doing, because travelling isn't just about what you do or see, it's also about how you feel that create the experience:
I've been doing alright.. no, I've been doing good. I expected before I left, that I would get lonely sometimes, sometimes fearful as well, and other times immensely happy. Well, I've been on my own for a month now, and of course travelling alone is going to have it's ups and downs, the down moments being mainly loneliness. I think me recognizing that I might get lonely, has really helped me cope with it, I've only felt lonely a few times. And maybe lonely isn't the right word.. because I'm not alone, there are soo many people! And I've met a ton of people and am usually hanging out with someone I've met. Maybe the loneliness I'm feeling is loneliness from my friends and family. I have been soo blessed with such amazing friends and family back home, I could not ask for better. But with all the love I have for them, comes more hurt when I'm away. I am not homesick by any means (sorry guys, I still love you though!) It's just sometimes I think to myself, Awe this reminds me of so and so, or if so and so was here they'd love it, or if I was with so and so right now, we'd be taking pictures with every random thing in this city.
I was a bit emotional around my birthday, and getting all the birthday wishes were wonderful, but they also reminded me that I am not with those who I love most and who I am most comfortable with. It did make me a little bit sad.. but I knew that things and feelings like this would happen, so I have been prepared for them, which actually makes me feel really proud of myself.
I think being away is really helping me to realize my true friends and just how amazing the friends and family that I have are. I started to get in a bad mood, maybe because I'm in this amazing place and sometimes have no one to share it with, which is hard, but bearable. I've been meeting such amazing people and having such amazing experiences, I could not ask for more. The only thing with the loneliness factor though.. is more times than not, I'm not alone.. I meet people on tours, my cs hosts, I met a girl from Cali, Liz, and we went to Amsterdam together and we're going to meet up in Prague and Krakow! I'm excited about all the Christmas markets and things. I will say though, it does make me sad that I don't have enough money to buy anything for anyone and bring them home lol. Sorry duuudes! But I knew that, and you knew that, before I left.
I am truly having an amazing time though.. there are ups and downs in everything, and what I am experiencing. How I am growing, out weighs the downs by far though. I have not regretted this decision yet and I don't see feeling that way in the future.
There is nothing quite like experiencing the world, and doing it on my own :) with only me as the decision maker, I can only depend on myself and that's what I think helps me to grow the most. Makes me feel like I can do anything!
<3 M
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